For many years I've celebrated Lent. Why should the Catholics get all the fun of trying to do without something for 40 days, testing their relationship with desire and temptation, emerging less reliant on external definitions of identity? There are, in fact, a number of really excellent holidays “trapped” in this way. Here are the ones I've added to my own calendar, mythological heritage be damned.

From the venerable Judaism, I've taken High Holy Days, starting this Friday at sunset. Beginning with Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish "New Year", and ending with Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, these ten days are a time for the faithful to repent and atone. It’s a whole new year, seek forgiveness for last year, offer forgiveness to those who ask for it, and let's move the fuck on. Everyone should do this every year, if only to lower their own blood pressure.

From the French, I have borrowed Bastille Day, July 14th. Not only is Bastille Day great as a reminder of what a sufficiently disgruntled populace is capable (even though the prison itself was mostly empty and they were really liberating the guns and powder), but the traditional method of celebration throughout France involves drinking at work. It seems so obvious in retrospect, but I just can't think of a more subtly subversive way to erode the artificial compartmentalization of "you" and "you at work". Brilliant!

From the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, I looted International Talk Like a Pirate Day, September 19th—oh no, that's tomorrow! Yar! It be a mighty fine hollyday, bein' that many a lad 'n' lass have the givin's t' speak in a pirately manner, yet lack the occasion. Keep an eye on yer rum on this day, ye scallywags.

Finally, this Friday is OneWebDay. Described as "Earth Day for the Web", this is the day that we take a little time to acknowledge what an awesome gift humanity has been given in the existence of the internet. Just like the printing press before it, and ultimately written and spoken language, it brings us closer together as a species, making connections between those separated by physical location, class, ethnicity, gender, and ability (but frustratingly not pesky browser quirks and connection speeds).

Oh, and Honorable Mention goes to my own birthday, which is two weeks from tomorrow. No gifts please, I have too much stuff already. Last year I convinced my friends to just give back the stuff they had borrowed and that was enough.